Sunday, May 11, 2014

131/365 • the grinch that stole mother's day

I don't know if I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Or quite possibly it could have been the night full of interrupted sleep from the three year old that "got booooogggeerrrss". Or maybe it was the epic fight I had with the husband last night over nothing and every thing that made me feel like I wanted to throw the towel in on the whole marriage thing (thankfully, feelings pass, and I don't let them dictate my actions!).
Regardless of what caused it, I was a grinch from the moment my eyes were forced open by a 6 year old who was so excited about Mother's Day that she had to jump on my finally-sleeping body way. too. early.

And I struggled through the day, green and grinchy. 
Oh, don't get me wrong. I love the handmade bath salts and cards, and photo frames and all the little thoughtful gifts made at school by super excited, extravagantly loving kiddos. 
I love the cuddles, and the "mum's the boss, it's her choice today" over everything. 
I love that my thoughtful husband made me breakfast in bed, and that I haven't had to make myself a cuppa all day. That he booked lunch at a cute cafe, and that the kiddos didn't even spill their drinks or fight. Much. Grateful for all of it, honestly.

But scrolling through Facebook this morning and seeing a post along the lines of, "Handmade presents make all the sleepless nights and hard work worth it" I immediately screamed in my mind,
No they don't! No they effing don't! Liars!
Lying to all those not-yet mamas and mamas-to-be.

Yes it is amazing growing tiny humans, and birthing them, and holding and nurturing and feeding those amazing little snuffly beings, and watching them turn into adorable toddlers who start to talk and say the cutest things, and watching them start school, and turn into awesome 8 year olds with the coolest ideas about life. It's amazing!

BUT it is SO HARD. And sometimes handmade crap just doesn't cut it.

So hard!
They whinge, they demand. They wake up at all times of the night.
We are supposed to meet their every need. 
They get sick and our hearts break. 
They get attitudes and it takes everything in us not to get just as petty as they are!

Oh I love their sweet little faces, honestly love them with my whole being, plus some.
And maybe I'm the only one who wants to fly into a rage and scream sometimes I don't want to be mum today!
Maybe I'm the selfish one who just wants someone to take care of me for a change.
Someone who will open all the blinds in the morning, and close them at night, and remember to feed the fish, and make the lunches and pick up those shoes that sit at the back door for weeks unless I pick them up and take them back to their rightful place.

Blah.

I'm not always this grinchy. 
But I'm not gonna lie; motherhood is an endless sea of chrysanthemums and shitty days.
Thankfully every day is a new one with the potential to be better.
The potential for me to be more patient, and make less mistakes.
Yaaaay motherhood.

Happy freakin' Mother's Day.

xx

12 comments:

  1. I love your honesty Em. Some days do really suck and I totally get the whole 'I want someone to just look after meeeee!' The constant giving, giving, giving that us mums do sometimes leaves us a bit empty and cranky. (and PMS sure doesn't help, which was my issue today as I screeched like a banshee at my fun lovin' kidlets) Good days, bad days.... you are only human!

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    1. Yep! Human crossed with screaming banshee perhaps? ;)
      That flipping PMS needs to back off though, doesn't it? It's a killer. xxx

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  2. I love your honesty Em. Some days do really suck and I totally get the whole 'I want someone to just look after meeeee!' The constant giving, giving, giving that us mums do sometimes leaves us a bit empty and cranky. (and PMS sure doesn't help, which was my issue today as I screeched like a banshee at my fun lovin' kidlets) Good days, bad days.... you are only human!

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  3. My Mother's Day was pretty sucky too. My two big girls picked out beautiful presents from school and they were super excited but that was about it. It was hubby's night, but I got the baby up twice and let him sleep in. I made breakfast because my middle refused to eat her dinner and was crying all night because she was hungry and daddy was still asleep. I washed, hung out and folded laundry, cleaned bathrooms, made snacks and lunch and dinner and lunches for the next day. I got the baby up from naps and tidied and changed nappies. I took the bins out and did dishes. Hubby bathed the kids. and gave me pj's and a cook book (that I bought myself and gave to him). I got tea lights the girls made with daddy (that I found in a craft book and got the stuff out for).
    It seems petty and I am grateful for being their mum, but scrolling through FB with the I got this, I'm still in bed, I'm having breakfast/lunch/coffee crap got to me too. Plus my mum was sick so I couldn't even visit her!
    Happy Freakin' Mother's Day to you too ;)

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    1. Oh Jacinta, I hope you'll have some real time out this week. You are amazing!
      I also only got what I really wanted for mothers day because I sent photos and wrote in the text message "This is what I want for mothers day, this is where you'll find it and how much it costs"
      Sigh. It does seem petty, but sometimes I think we're deserving of just a little bit more!
      Praying your week is lovely and makes up for a crappy Sunday xxx

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  4. Thank you for sharing so honestly. My mothers day was a mess of milk, tears and hormones - also a cold - I completely relate to your daughter with the boogers! No sleep for what seems like forever, aching bones, stuffed head and my milk coming in with painful vengeance. Logically I knew to count my - many, many- blessings, but it's hard to do when you're just so sleepy and hormones are playing evil mind games! My husband has the cold as well… so lots of competing over who has the worst sniffle! Thank goodness for tomorrows! (With a bit more sleep!) Take care of yourself - I hope your week gets better. xx

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    1. Yes!! Logically, I can count my blessings, but its SO hard to do, so hard to be thankful when the hormones make the little things just DRIVE YOU NUTS!
      But you are doing an amazing job, go easy on yourself - milk, hormones and a cold are not a good combination!
      (Ugh, and I so know the competing for who's the sickest, and who deserves to do the least thing!!) xxx

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  5. What honesty! So refreshing Em. This is life, and when my son was a baby, he is now 7, I couldn't find one Mum who was like you and told it like it is. Just because someone came up with the term 'Mother's Day", everything is supposed to be sooooo perfect. It is what it is. LIFE. I love your posts about real life. Thank-you for being real.xx

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    1. Leah, seriously, why don't they say it like it is?! My whole mothers group from when my son was a baby (he's 8 now) didn't give any clues to how hard they were doing it. I thought I was the only one, and that something was wrong with me!
      Thank you for commenting - life is amazing, and sometimes it's crap, it's nice to be real together xxx

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  6. Bahahahaha!! Loved this post Em! It is so helpful to hear someone else share so openly about the joys (and sometimes lack thereof) of motherhood. I often come to your beautiful blog and I so enjoy your honesty. My best mother's day (to date) was when my firstborn was still kicking around inside me and my husband bought me perfume from 'he and baby bump' ahhh dear. Def have those moments of 'I just don't want to be a mum today!!!!' Yesterday and today were some of them!
    Hope your week improves and you can enjoy doing some things just for you. Happy freakin mother's day indeed!! xo

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  7. Em, you're honesty is so comforting and what brings me back here each day like a sermon. My three year old too has little concept of 'its Mothers Day so be good/kind/happy' and prior to 2 babies I don't think I had any idea what being tired permanently was actually going to be like (and the fact that sleepless nights lasted for so many years). Mothers Day is no golden ticket, no day off in the carribean, its another day of being mum, of which most are long and hard. There are those tiny golden moments of joy which you have to choose to play as your trump cards, because if you don't it all gets too hard and so many of your posts remind me to look for these moments. So you are far from a grinch, you are a good mum - an amazing mum and I hope today the sun rises again and gives you a little easier day with a little more grace than yesterday. This too shall pass (I'm not sure when either! x)

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  8. Hallelujah! You wrote just what I needed to hear tonight, on an evening when I had Just About Had It with my 2 beautiful little daughters. Thank God for you. You are an inspiration and a kindred spirit to another young mum. :-)

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